if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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