no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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