Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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