My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
