Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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