I cut my penus on the lid.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
