So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
