she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
