Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
