i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
