Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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