My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Small penises have feelings too.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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