I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
