Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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