i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
