At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I still have a little drunk in my system
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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