I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
