And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
