your thong is hanging out like whoa
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
