Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
