I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When are your genitals available?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize