Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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