WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
