He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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