eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
