im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There's always time for handjobs
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
