i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
