this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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