Someone shit on the floor
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
