OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
