Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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