you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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