Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
