this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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