Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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