I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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