hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
