I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Rumble strips road head = magical
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
