we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
