I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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