I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
