Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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