a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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