There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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