Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
