Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
