the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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