Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
