what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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