You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
