the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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