No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
