she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
