im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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