The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sorry about my life...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
