i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
