So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
