can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
