I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
