I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
