his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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